Ask Uncut - Flowers, Foreplay and Fertility Bills

Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep and burning questions. A question came up in our Facebook Discussion Group about a partner who plays soccer 4 nights per week with a baby and a pregnant partner at home. We unpack whether the prioritisation of exercise is a common ‘issue’ in relationships and whether it’s ‘fair’.

Vibes for the week:

Britt - Amanda Knox Hosts | DOUBT: The Case of Lucy Letby 

Keeshia - Pivot podcast 

Laura - Love on the Spectrum Season 4 on Netflix 

HE LOVE BOMBED ME AND NOW I MISS THE FAKE VERSION OF HIM
I’ve been in a relationship for 7 months now. It started like a movie. He texted constantly, planned elaborate dates, told me I was the one within weeks and even introduced me to his family after a month. I felt more seen than I ever had in my life. Six months in and he's a completely different person now. He’s often distant, distracted and puts in almost zero effort. I know what love bombing is and I know logically that the first version of him wasn't real. But I genuinely miss that version so much that I'm staying in the relationship hoping that one day it might get back to that phase. Do you think it’s worth sticking around and waiting for him to put more effort in and prioritise me like he used to or is this just a normal part of a relationship that turns into a long term relationship? I’ve never dated anyone for more than a few months. 

CAN RELATIONSHIP SURVIVE WITHOUT ROMANCE?
I’ve been with my partner now for just over two years. From the start we’ve always talked about marriage and aiming for a long term relationship. We’ve recently moved in together & most aspects are going so well. We’re best friends, have great sex & share the same opinions about big life things. My question is, can a relationship survive without romance? Something I’ve always found difficult & confusing to understand is our lack of romance outside of the bedroom. We’ve had many conversations about it & still nothing has changed. My partner doesn’t buy me flowers, organise dates, plan trips away, write me letters, etc. These have always been initiated by me. It's something I recognised early on in the relationship but I ignored it and brushed it off at first, thinking it would automatically improve.

But I’m now beginning to feel lonely, neglected and resentful of our relationship. My frustration is growing given I have communicated my desires many times and nothing has changed. Do you think my expectations are too high to desire these things? Given it’s my first relationship I’m struggling to understand whether I’m expecting too much

IS PORN RUINING HIS DESIRE FOR ME?
Married for 4 years. My husband & l have an 8 year age gap, l’m in my early 30s & he is in his late 30s. We have no kids yet, currently 5 months pregnant. My husband is a good guy in some areas however l feel we have mismatched libidos which is causing a problem in our relationship. I tend to want sex more than he does. I sometimes try to initiate sex when l feel like it, however most of the time he turns me down which leaves me feeling like shit and rejected. This tends to make things awkward as l really get into my head about it. We seem to only have sex when he feels like it. I don’t want to use a toy on my own as l get intense guilt from using a toy (I’m from a Christian background). l don’t mind when using it with him. I have tried to talk to him in the past however he says he will fix it but nothing has changed.

Recently while l was helping him with something on his phone l found a private browser that was locked and in the browser he had porn websites open. I deleted the browser and didn’t ask him as l didn’t want him to feel like l was snooping around in his phone. This has been bothering me ever since, l have multiple questions in my head and l just don't have the answers to. A few days after l checked again and saw he had the porn browser open again which makes me think that he probably watches porn often. I’m going mad with all these questions in my head. Does he prefer to watch porn than having sex with me? Is he a porn addict? How do l handle this? He doesn’t take feedback well at all; he gets defensive and feels like it’s an attack. We usually have sex once every week to a fortnight. Or maybe l’m just wanting too much.

I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SPLITTING IVF COSTS
After a few unsuccessful rounds of ovulation induction, I am going to be progressing to IVF. The fertility treatment is needed because of my PCOS. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and own a unit together. My partner earns about $15k more than me atm and is currently paying off our car but I have more in savings. I feel like it is fair for me to pay the IVF costs given it is my issue that requires it and I am in the fortunate position that I can afford to pay the whole amount. However, my mum is adamant that this should be a shared cost. My partner is extremely generous and I’m sure would not bat an eyelid about splitting it but I just feel uncomfortable about it. Is this an expression of my guilt that I’m robbing him of the joy of trying for a baby naturally?

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Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne

Hosted by Britt Hockley & Keeshia Pettit 

Produced by Keeshia Pettit

Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley

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